Six degrees of Separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart.
What's gonna kill you is the second part.
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle.
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself.
Fifth, you see them out with someone else.
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.

I don't know what I feel anymore.
I don't know what I should do anymore.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I don't know how to live anymore.


I tried. I really did. But I'm falling apart at the seams and I'm slowly losing my mind. Everything seems like a dream. Where are you. Where are you. Where are you when I needed you? Where are you? I tried. I really did. I miss you. It's been a long time but in the end of the day, you still matter the most.


What if I don't board the train, M?
What if I decided to jump onto the platforms just before it arrives?


R.

Its a bit too late for that isn't it R.

Everyone has already moved on.

You might board the same train but different people are on it.


x M

It's finally taking a toll on me. After this long, I'm starting to feel it now. Now I can fully grasp the reality that I haven't been able to. Earlier this month, a friend of mine passed away. I met her earlier this year, but even before that, I knew stories of her. The first time I met her, I was amazed at how she could keep up with me. Talkative, loud, and cheerful. She never stopped smiling and laughing and it brought happiness to the people around her. I remember that night, when I received a call from a friend who was shouting over the phone "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO FAYE?! SHE DIED." And that point in time, I remembered the time when something like this happened. It was deja vu all over again, except that previously there wasn't any shouting, just crying.

The night of her memorial, I was contemplating whether or not I should attend her service, it took me while to calm myself down, get dressed and to get out of my house. On the way to the church, songs like "If Today Was Your Last Day.", "Live like we're Dying", "Heaven's Gonna Wait" filled my ears. It's as if everything has been planned, like some sort of conspiracy. Before meeting a friend at a bus stop near by, I decided to paste a smile on my face, it'd seem wrong, but I just couldn't allow myself to be overwhelmed with despair and sorrow, I wanted to be strong for my friends who knew her too.

Upon arrival, all I saw were purple. It was everywhere. Her favorite color. Everyone, the flowers, her casket, they were purple. If only she knew how high the toll was. When the service started, more information about her death was revealed. She felt lonely, unloved and uncared for, and that's when I remembered a time when I was just like her. I would have ended up just like her if it wasn't for my boyfriend at that time. My boyfriend stood by my side when I was down in the pits of despair and helped me through many obstacles during the time we were together. If it weren't for him, there's a very high chance that I wouldn't be here right now. And that's when I started to feel sick to the bone. Everyone here, myself included. How could we have not seen this coming? Could'nt we have paid more attention to her? Showed her more care? Try to strike a conversation with her? What's the use now? She's gone. For good. My Dear, if only you could have seen this, look at the people here. We came for you. We shed tears for you. We miss you. We love you. But it's all too late. and all we can do now is to pay you our final respects. "If only." Is all that I can say, my dear. I hope that wherever you are, you'd be happy and as cheerful as you were when you were still with us. Even though physically you're not with us, I do believe that you're with us in spirit. Till we meet again, Faye.



To You,
I've been trying to search for you, but no matter how hard I try, it seems like I'm grasping thin air, you're not there anymore. What happened to the promises you made to me? Have you forgotten them? I haven't forgotten mine. From that time till now, it hasn't been easy at all, and I'm sure it hasn't been too for you. But I want you to know that I've started standing on my own two feet now, I'm stumbling, but I'm moving forward bit by bit. I really miss you. There isn't a day that passes that I go a day without thinking about you. I've tried to reach out to you. Really. I screwed up big time. But now that my head is clear, I want you to know, that I really really do love you. If I could, I would want another chance to spend my days with you. There's that thought about what if you already have someone else to replace me, but if you really do have someone else, I wouldn't mind. I deserved it anyway. I've gotten more stable and mature after so long, I finally picked myself up. Please, talk to me. Please give me one last chance. We could start all over. I won't give up. Not on you, not on us. I'll walk everywhere just to find you. If you turn back, you'll see me, trying my very best to catch up with you.
I really do love you, RMK.
R.

It feels as if I'm still back in square one.
No changes. Nothing.
What a waste. One and a half years, yet I'm still here.
God knows what I'd give just to turn back time and choose differently,
Maybe I would have treasured you from the start when I knew and not until that April.
Or maybe I should have let you slipped through my fingers, but then, there wouldn't be a story of us.
I should have spent more time with you, I should have protested.
Instead of always keeping quiet and letting you have as much freedom as I could give to you,
I should have been more clingly, I should have told you "I don't want you to go!"
Instead of pretending to be understanding, and okay with it.
I should have voiced out my feelings,
Instead of always pretending to be so carefree. Because in the end, it hurt others.
All I wanted was to cover the void that was growing larger.
I should have told you that sometimes I get hurt because of you,
Instead I use other means that'll make me feel like I wanted. I didn't want anyone to know how I truly felt. Especially you.
I should have known how much you were hurting, how much you've been struggling.
Instead of being there for you, I thought that she would be better for you than I can ever be for you.
Always putting you first, I tried my best to be someone you'd be proud of. And failed miserably.
I realized by always being "Okay" with everything, it would seem like I didn't care. But I do.
I realized by not voicing out, it would seem like I've got no opinions. But I do.
I realized by not expressing my feelings, it would seem like I've got no feelings for you. But I do.
I realized by never stopping you. It would seem like I couldn't be bothered. But I do.
I realized by giving you this much freedom, it would seem like I don't treasure you. But I do.
I realized by not being clingy, it would seem like you weren't important. But you are.
I realized that I was the worse, and that you were the best.
In the end of the day, I could'nt help but fall into am endless pit.
Everything was my fault.
I'm so stupid.
Everything seems like a lie now.
Everyone's disappearing.
The feeling of waking up in a dream.
You thought you woke up, only to find out that you're still in a dream, waking up again, yet it's still a dream.
I'm so pathetic. I couldn't give you what you needed.

Yet I still love you.

It's been so long since I've blogged. But well. It's been a few days since Brother Ian's birthday had past and since he's still not back yet. I guess I'll just say it here and Twitter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I posted it on Twitter on the day itself. I guess I haven't even had any mood to post anything over here anymore. Brings too many painful memories back to life. But I'm trying to continue living. I'm still alive and breathing and I guess thats something. I've been using all this time to study. And i finally decided on what to study. Maybe? I might actually choose to study Law next year, That's if if my results are good enough. But I've found a school that offers a Diploma in Architecture, architecture was my childhood thing. And it's been going strong all these years and all of a sudden I just had an urge to study Law. School has been suffocating. And I really don't know what else I can do. I've learned the basics of playing pool last month. And I must say. It's really destressing. I haven't had much sleep too I guess. Just a couple of hours each day. And dance lessons resumes this Sunday. Another thing that has the ability to keep my mind off you. I've started to even touch and play a bit of the piano. Even though I don't practice much drumming anymore. The reason I even started to play it was so I had something. But it doesn't matter now anymore...


There's a lot of thing that are stucked in my throat.

I'm back from England.
I'll upload pictures next time.
It's time to worry for end-term papers now... x.x

Rain.

I wonder why I keep ending up here when I type 'blogger.com'.

' n '

Rainie was talking to me bout some caucasian/portugese/brazillian/hawaiian/mexican/Icantremember guy she saw on the newspaper and wanted to meet and got to meet in a hospital when he had a stroke.


Hmm... What a nice place to meet a nice person to be nice friends.

I'm quite lazy to post anything else, and since I'm not paid for this I think I'll flop away now~

- The one and only person who name starts with 'M' and thinks Hard Gay is one of the coolest guys (or gays, though he is not really one) in the universe -

Wanted to share this lil' extraordinary MV by 'Epik High'

Saw it once and hooked on it since. ' u ' I think its pretty meaningful, better than bizarre abstract bird people groping and rubbing each other. Blah. (Please refer to Miley Cyru's New music Video 'Can't Be Tamed')

Epik High 'RUN'


Do watch! Even though it may seem pretty dully-ish at first, with shots of the boy's mundane life's happening, its gets better at the end :} (He reads porno magazines at 1:36, PFFBT)
I love biography type videos like these, gives one a chance to see a person's life personally.

Yes, as Rainie Mccain has said, everyone is currently dying for exams, Well she has it better, no prelims for her. The sec 4s are pretty close to jumping out of the windows, the free falling way >_>

Ohkay, its time for me to do Research for my Drama Prelims.


Running Running Running Away~

- M -

Thought maybe I should come here. To type something.
The mid-term papers are just in a few day's time. Been studying a lot.
Who hasn't? (:
I've recently started attending some classes too. to keep me busy. (:
I haven't watch television since God knows when.
I'm outdated like a turtle living in a shell.
I don't even know if there's like a crisis out there.
Recently everyone is going crazy over a new teacher.
Momo and a few others and I don't really think that he's that awesome...
I'm finding pictures to draw. Therefore I get to use the Internet.
My history teacher can't remember my name. Which is just plain amusing to me.
She calls me Faith. And gave a stupid explanation why, she keeps thinking that I look like a person with Faith as a name.
I've been trying to write a song about Life.
And inspiration just can't come.
Ryan finalized and sang "Dying Anthem" a song I wrote. Along with Sam. (:
I think they did it really well.
I struggling with Biology and Maths.
I saw two different boys, abusing the same cat on two different consecutive days.
I was so angry I could just kick them. But they were preschool to primary school of age.
...

I miss all of you. Yeah? (: It's been so long since we've last talk. I miss everyone I know in Switzerland. (: I miss Bobbi. (: I miss the Sempai's over here. (: I miss that Monkey in US of A. (Mdm Chan's words) (: I hope you guys are fine over the globe. (: I love you.

And thank you for those around me in school or like yeah. (: I love you too!!!

Bobbi, do take good care of yourself now. I'm not sure whether on not you're dued yet. But I'm sure you would be a great mother. Do watch out. Have many meals and rest well. Don't sleep late. Watch your health. Love you.

The only thing I can think of to say to you would be to tell you that I'm sorry. If I had said another thing. There might be a horrible consequence. I don't want that to happen.

And it's updated!
With the stars above,
Rainie.

P.S. I listened to "Everything" once, last year. When you introduced it to me Yayoi Sempai. Here I am now, finding peace and feeling calm when I'm listening to it. Thanks Yayoi Sempai.

I was thinking.

Just wanted to say...


I'M GETTING A POLAROID!

YAY!

~MOMOTONE~

Well, since I ditched Rainie on Saturday, here I am posting to make it up 8D

Rejoice Rainie! Hah! C:

Its certainly not because I typed blogger.com and ended up here AGAIN by some chance, no no, shhhhh

Anyways, I found this A.M.A.Z.I.N.G video I have to put here.
Its by this japanese guy who posts videos of really cool things and knick-knacks. He talks in english, japanese after that, but there are subs so don't worry ;>



DAMMIT I WISH I WAS THAT GUY. HOLDING THAT UBER CUTE AMAZON DANBO. AND GOING 'PIKA!PIKA!' at 0:50 of the video. O A 0 Wahhh the lucky bastard.

Though I would definately not go 'AMAAAAAZOOOOONNN' at the front. And not wear Kanye sunglasses. I rather wear Rihana ones. 'w'

PFFT watch till the end! The end is epic XD

BUT I ENDED UP HERE INSTEAD!

P.S Please leave a bowl of curry here the next time you visit.
Thanks! * w *

~momotone~

The reason why the other post was deleted was because of some stuff. But for those who read it good for you. yeah. I'll explain to those who ask.

Rain.

P.S.
VIOLET IS BACK!!! And I hope that Momo and Danna had fun in their camp.
KIM GET BETTER SOON.
Oh and Brother, YiTing wanted me to tell you, that she thinks you are HOT. (: Have fun what ever you are doing now, saves me to message you in America (I THINK).
Yes YiTing is awesome...

Yesterday, Ryan called out to me in a gift shop "Psst..." I looked at him. Then his eyes shifted to me then to something, again and again...
Untill I saw what he wanted me to see. After 5 seconds of staring at it, the word "Why?" came into my head. I walked off leaving him. I have to admit. The gift shop was really uniqe...
Yet I managed to miss the display words on the shelf just in front of the entrance. If only I had missed it and have not look at it and walk out.
I would be much better off that way. Much better off not knowing, much better off not hearing, much better off not seeing, much better off not feeling.
It's my fault. do you hate me? Please hate me as much as I hate myself... As much as I don't want your hate.
Locked everything.

No I just want to fall endlessly.
To never fall and hit the ground.

Welcome back Big Brother.

Alright, I promised Rainie to post the pictures of torture what we did on saturday so here it is! :D

Anyways, after collecting our pay in the morning, we walked around Plaza Singapura to look for her Brother, Ian, and Angus:) Presents. (Though first she insisted on going to Etude house first. What a vainpot. > v >) OMG found the coolest and cutest (trust me, when I say 'cutest' I don't mean it in a girly cutsey kind of thing, but in the 'its-okay-for-guys' kind of cute, so no worries Angus! 'w')little thing at 77th street (very unexpected). Gold in colour, picked it out and Rainie approved, so we shared the cost and she took it home to wrap. Hope you like it Angus o w <

Then went up to Times to get her Brother's presents, she spent a hell long of a time picking it out. The counter lady was abit pissed I think, HAHA. > O <

After lunch, went to the arcade, drooled on just about everything there. Rushed to Somerset, walked around, bla bla bla.

AND THEN Rainie had this horri-, I mean 'DELIGHTFUL' idea to go to the FISH SPA there. I was like 'HECK NO' as I was totally broke and saving money. Then she kidnapped (I really do mean it, you can ask the counter people, they witnessed this fat cat short girl dragging another girl BY FORCE into the Spa shop, no joke >_>). She paid for the both of us for a 30 min package, as my 'early valentine's day' present (lets just confirm this Rainie, I don't swing that way), and paid before I could stop her. :<

THE FISH SPA WAS TORTURE.

You know, I seriously don't get how those caucasians in the Fish Spa can look so relaxed, and even fall asleep. It took me a billion years to stick my foot into the water, and Rainie had to gently [not] SHOVE my legs into the water.

The fish savagely attacked my foot, and I was laughing in angony ;_;. I was the only one screaming, laughing and yelping in the whole spa, embarassing much. >.< Can't help being ticklish! Worse still, the people outside could see EVERYTHING through the clear spa glass, so yes they saw the whole commotion.

I kept lifting my foot out of the water, but felt really guilty since Rainie was paying for it, so I tried my best to stick my feet back in the water as many times as I could. (still could not get used to it)


(my foot on the left, Rainie on the right)
Its strange they go for my foot more than Rainie's. WHICH I DON'T APPRECIATE.


Managed to get into the water spot with lesser fish ;D It was much bearable, phew. Though I still hate it when fishes go in between the toes, its DISGUSTING plus it reminds me of leeches.

Tried my best not to kick in the water, I really pity the fishes o n o
And very helpful Rainie, encouraged me by threatening to buy the 1HOUR PACKAGE if I dared to lift my foot up from the water again.

Okay at the end of everything, my feet felt like it was electrocuted, tingly all over '.' But it did feel softer and cleaner in a way..?

But seriously, don't bring me there again.

I've had a great christmas I guess. Friends celebrated with me. People keep talking to me, about the same topic, over and over again. I'm stubborn. I can't help it. If there's at least a glimmer of hope. I don't mind holding on to that even if it's going to torment me over and over again. I really need to thank you guys... Kim, Ryan, Danna, Momo, YiTing and also Ivan who has been there. Thank you for those wonderful presents! Thank you Ryan for arranging the one on one "date" with Ivan for my birthday. Haha but in the end I asked Kim to join me, and she asked Jordan to come. But it was pretty fun. I enjoyed it, with you three. I know that you guys really care. And I just really want to thank you people. These wonderful people. Anyway. Momo, yeah I remeber all right. But I just can't. I'm really sorry... Give me some more time. I just need alittle more time. To think it through. One last thing.

Merry Christmas to all.

Ah, its the 31st of december 2009.

5 more mins to 2010.

Enjoy the last 5 mins of your birthday Rainie :>

And then,

let the chapter of 2010 begin.

Remember what I said? End something before 2009, so you may start something new in 2010. End and start.

Happy new year, and happy birthday Rainie ^.^

Happy new year to all too~ 'w'

~MOMO~

How to reject a girl's confession gently and efficiently:

"The books that I love to read all involve maids. The cafe that I go to must be maid-related. Of course, I am also collecting figurines. When I play maid video games, I'll scream "MOE! MOE!". And when I get excited, I will wear my own maid outfit that I have and scream "HAA! HAA!" out loud."

Yes, I bet most, or probably all girls will speed away in a speeding boat once they hear that. ^^

Yosh! MOMO here, again :3. *Sigh* Rainie is too lazy to update her blog, though she can now use the computer for only a few measly minutes. -3- Though I wonder if anyone reads anymore, since there's no more new tags '.'

Ah well. The fat cat's bringing me out tomorrow for lunch at eighteen chefs as a late birthday treat XD And going shopping with me at Orchard after that too >w<>
Me: So what are we going to do tomorrow after lunch then?

Rainie: Well... I know! Let's go to the Marriott Hotel, sit on the sofas, and pretend to be rich.

Me: WHAT? Oh then what's next? A troupe of graceful dancers serenade us, as we bask in bright white spotlights, and then 2 cool looking blonde dudes will approach us and invite us to their deluxe suites, where a DJ will play Pitbull's "Hotel Room service", while we dance on one of those para-para arcade dance machines, followed by the arrival of Santa Claus who bursts through our windows, saying "HOHOHO! HERE'S YOUR LOUIS VUITTON AND MARC JACOBS BAGS THAT WERE ON YOUR WANTED LIST! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"?

Rainie:...You know, thats not bad. Lets do that.

Me: LIKE HELL THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN!

So we haven't exactly planed what we will be doing tomorrow.:o But it will be painful and torturing, since my pockets are completely and entirely dry, drier than a Hikkimori (stay-at-home) Otaku's chances of scoring a girl. >_>

WE NEED JOBS!!!! SOMEONE GIVE 2 TYPICAL CRAZY, (one especially crazy and weird), HOT-BLOODED, LOUD, YOUTHFUL GIRLS a GODAMN JOB!!!!!

I wish Santa could give jobs as presents. That way even Hobos would survive 'w'

ELLO FELLOW WARM-BLOODED TWO LEGGED MAMMALS.

Just so you guys are thinking 'God this blog is so dead, that drunk dude over there looks more alive than this', TADAH I'm updating it o w o

Nope this is not Rainie. She's off at home imprisoned by 2 adults her parents with no form of communication device to the outside world (except her phone). Thus she has begged asked me to try and inject some life into this dead fish, I mean blog, oops.

I feel like some botox surgeon, trying to pump in some form of 'oomph' filling into a flaccid woman of some sort.

Ah well. This is Momo (Momotone) if you guys are still wondering. Figured I was gonna post loads of crap once I got access XD YAY!

Anyway, something pretty.... unhappy has happened to her lately, something related to *beep* and *beep* and I can't exactly say cause if I do, I know Rainie is gonna *beep* me which is why I'm using *beep* right now.

So Rainie is feeling kinda down and moody-ish, moping around and sighing like a sighing-thing. (argh I hate it when people are like that, it so sea cucumber like :P).

C'MON FINONIA RAINIE! BE A HAPPY SLOTH! :)
Ah sorry, its supposed to be fat cat right? ^^

Everyone, be sure to shower this FAT CAT with loads of love kays? Strap her to a chair in your garden and turn on the sprinklers of love and affection or something.

Ahh I typed alot now. FINONIA RAINIE YOU BETTER BE HAPPY.

WOOSH~!
-MOMO-

Finally being able to come online. Actually I'm using Kim's computer.
I just wanna say sorry to those people I've hurt.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
Especially to Tiffany, Kea and Kim.
And sorry to Jonny too.
And to others out there.
Sorry.

It's been a long time since I had that dream,

It feels dreadfully wrong somehow.

It's amazing how the way I don't think now.

Passer,

And how did you know so much? Haha thanks. Love story? It's a simple story. We're pretty normal... And who are you?... What do you want to know? Er... ^^ haha...

Passer,

I'm funny? How? Haha!.

This is really amusing...

Bobbi: what was it rainie?
Mitsukake Sempai: What was what, it's not raining, Oh wait, Nevermind.
Rain: HAHAH.

AND

Rain: It's okay compared to me Bobbi has a better sense of direction
Bobbi: I do?! aww.
Rain: I got lost 4 times in orchard on the same day
Mitsukake Sempai: You must get lost alot, Rain.
Rain: and that's not the worst
Mitsukake Sempai: I rest my case. -ahem-

It's late. I know.

NOTICE:

I'm not talking about Mitsukake Sempai, Jonny. I'm not talking about him. But if you really think I don't care for Bobbi or anyone else. I've got nothing to say. Think what you want. It doesn't matter. And I've never considered myself.

Damn. You look so tired these days. I'm worried for you, I don't say it, but I am. All these things have been tiring you out, I wonder how long you can hold on, what if you just fall one day, you're not having proper rest. Niether am I, but that's cause I can't sleep, I just keep worrying. But it's different in your case, you need to lead the whole team, the whole unit. You need to stay up so late just to lead and to help. I know, it's the most elite team, I could never find another team like them. And I can't do anything to help. I hate it. I hate it. Whatever you do, I want you to be safe, though I know we are well protected by them, we won't know, who might be the next one. All those nights you had to stay up late, all those nights they have to stay up late, all this time we've spent on worrying, all this time we tried to help and have things back to normal, it'll pay off soon.

Two best friend,
both thorned.
One want's her close one safe,
the other wants the same thing as I want.
But both of us don't really care how it comes.

Topic of the day: Tiffany Kim. (One of my best friend)
Promised her I'll blog and that the topic would be her.

Tiffany is like an older sister to me, when you really want to talk to someone, she's the right one. We're not currently depending on each other. More of me depending on her. She encourages me a lot, like Kim and Danna, she's funny, and tends to give in to me to some things, which makes her really cute in a way, (Like Kim) But only to much more ridiculous request, and she would go "Whatever you Like" and even more insane requests too. HAHA. Honey and Love would be how she calls her best friends, more of Honey though haha! For me that is. Like any best friend she's really concerned for her friends and best friends, she's nice and amazing. Also my big brother's best friend. It's very very funny to talk to her and my brother on the phone because they call each other names and stuff. And yeah. Love you, Tiffany. Let's getaway some day. To far away.

Talked to Yayoi Sempai for a while today. I talked to Tiffany, I talked to Jareb, I talked to him. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe she's right about it... I don't know.

Seems like I've been shot.

Hey Jordan...

Don't fight. Please promise me you guys won't.

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Tabling Codes: darkdegree
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