Monday Blues?... Hey... Sorry I haven been blogging recently... I was running a 40 degrees fever... And still had to study and continue going to school... Mm... And I'm prepared to fail... Hm... Okay... About the post yesterday... Yes... I've been ignoring you... If that's what you call it... I'm sorry... I don't mind others bothering me... But having you smsing me the WHOLE day... I'm getting a tiny bit annoyed... It's not like I belong to you or anything... I not even yours... So please stop... First you tried to amuse me... Then you tried to understand me... Then tried opening me... Tried knowing me better... Tried to say you understand... Tried to bring up my past... Tried to tell me you know everything... About my life and what happened to me with him... And tried to say we are on the same boat... And tried to bring up about my past and family though you know I never once mentioned about them... And now use my god sister as bait... Really... Not many people know about my family... You are just someone... And you want to know about my family... Are you kidding?... It's like asking a girl you just met something they wish to keep private... Screw you... Get far away from me... You are going Poland right? Stay there... Don't come back... When I was sick you still continued messaging me... I thought one would be rest well... Just go away... Hm... When you mentioned about him... I went to deep thought... That time... Was a dread... That period of time was like being sentenced to a death sentence... Must you remind me?... It was like waiting for the sentence to be carried out... Like waiting and waiting... With some people "visiting" me... Trying their best to cheer me up... Failing badly... But making sure I put a smile... Just any kind of smile... On my face... To thank them and tell them... "Your effort has been of great help really... Being able to go through this with you all by my side... Thanks"... It seems that way... Yes I admit... That was what's holding me back last year and still is right now... Last year I avoided being very close with boys... And it was usually... Badminton Training, Sheng Yang training, Extra lessons, Tuition and Social work... And I would usually be wear out everyday and so when I go home I eat and then fall to deep sleep... Using this to run away from reality... Yeah... This year... I'm running away... From?... The fear... Of going it through again... That darkness... And all I could do was nothing... Absolutely nothing... Walk around in a daze... And try my best to smile when he was around... And when she tells me about him... I did not hate them... Trust me I did not... It was me that I hated... Not being needed by anyone... Not needed by anyone... And it was that time when I said... "Hey just kill me will you?" I'm like a burden... If I ever fall from somewhere high like a cliff... And someone rush and slides to grab my hand... I would just look down in that darkness... And wait for the person to stop struggling with trying to pull me up and wait till thoughts that appear in that someone's mind would be like "Let go of that hand... It's time to be free... Let go of that burden... Slowly... You can finally be released of that burden... Do it..." and then when that hold slowly loosens... I would look up and smile at that someone who's going to betray me, a smile that tells one... "Yes... You can do it... I forgive you for doing so... You can finally be free of me... You don't need to worry for me anymore... Let go of my hand.. Let go..."

It hurts losing someone precious... It hurts... I don't want to go through that pain again... It really hurts... I'm afraid... To go through it again...

Screw you... You would be the NUMBER ONE person I want to forget KNOWING and worth HATING... Just to let you know (though I know that you won't know because you don't have my blog URL even though you've been asking me for quite awhile...) I just want to say that... Go away and keep your distance... I've deleted ALL your messages and trust me you are the first one whom I delete messages in my phone... Even how short the messages are I DO NOT delete them... Unlike yours... And I accidentally deleted one of Russell and Gemini's messages... My bad... Sorry... I'll explain tomorrow... I'm still sick so yup...

Your words were so straight forward that I got a little confused... You said it 3 times today... At the third time I knew you were not kidding... It was like so straight... And I just stare back... It was like being trapped... I leaning against the wall and both your hands on each side of the wall and you staring daggers at me... Okay... The first time I changed the subject... You got back in an hour when I ask want you wanted... You said "you" as simple as that... The third time... You said that you did not care... You don't care about what people say... You don't care about my negative points... And more I can't recall... You are a great guy... I mean you have everything girls will fall for... You have the looks... The devotedness... A band... A car (Raiga has a car too I heard ^^ *randomness*)... Very rare do you see boys who love the girl not for her looks but who she is... Being very frank to me... Okay maybe too frank... You said the both of us were perfect... About our character... Knowing that sometimes being together is fine... And that both parties needed personal space and stuff... I mean sometimes the guy waits for the girl to have lunch it's fine but meeting every single day is... Asking too much... ... ... Actually... There is this guy I like so much... And you just said its okay... I can wait... Knowing your place would be third... You just said yeah I can wait... I'm so unworthy... And you have been too kind to me... No really I have been in a third party for quite a number of times... I don't want this... Debbie is so much better as for the answer... I'll tell you before you go to Poland... Right now... I have this guy whom I like alot... I have not told him yet... Hm... I'm an idiot... Yup... I was sent home from school today... I only went to pass Danna something and do the CA's and go home but I only manage to do one and well yeah... I did not take the geography test... My dad blamed me... My mom too... Saying that I ask my chinise teacher come on Sunday and now sick for sure fail... See waste time... And my dad was like I know you will fail your geography... Then I told him I was sick and really can't do the test... Then he said even though you not sick I know you will fail... I came too school because my mom did not believe I was not feeling well but I still went to school partially because I'm like two weeks late for his present and yeah... ... And yes because I wanted to maintain our relationship as good friends that's why I did not tell him... ... Going to be 3 months of living in guilt... And when Danna found out... She tried quite hard to help me... I'm useless... It's two and a half months late by not telling and one going two months of Danna's effort on me... I told her soon soon... Did you know inside every single... Has something written inside it... 1/4 is meant for you... 3/4 is for you to be able to do something you have been trying for a very long time... About 10 of it is different because it is different heh... I think is hidden when it was half filled and some others around the top?... Heh... I know that it would he insainty to pour or take out one by one so I guess you won't even find it or even open the... One by one because I took a very long time to do it... And write something in each and every... Alot of people ask the same thing... It's not like he is going to open one by one... And I just smiled... Hm... Why am I always late when something has to do with him... I can imagine now... Gemini smiling her awesome smille patting my head where I am squatting down and emo... Heh...

Ouch... Sorry I'm not blogging regularly... I'm sorry... I had no mood to blog... And I needed to study for all the upcoming CA's which is... Tomorrow... Tomorrow I'll me having English and Humanities... Humanities is a combination of geography and history... English would be a must pass... And if I don't pass Humanities I'm so ready to chop myself... If you ask me which subjects I am better in then the rest of my subjects I would choose English, Humanities and Biology... A Maths would be my worst followed by POA and Physics... I'm okay with maths... And geography... I'm learning History for extra... But won't take the CA for history... That's cause I wanted to take history but parents want me to take geography... But yeah... I have last year's history text hook so I read it when I have time... Second brother is taking History that's why... I'm planning to take up another... I changed hand phone number... Sorry for the inconvenience caused... My parents did not tell me or ask me about what I do I think about it... And yeah if you did not recieve my message about me changing my number... Then... 96755446... This would be the number to contact me... Now... Rants... I don't know much about... It seems so close but yet so distant... Maybe there are unknown wounds hidden... Even so I want to help... But I know I can't do much... I just want to help you with your problems... Burden some of them... See you smile... And that's all I would wish for the time being... Nothing more until I'm able to do this few things... Your past does not bother me... Does not bother me does not mean I don't care... It's more or less like... I... It won't affect my feelings towards you... It won't... Loving someone does not mean liking the person before you right now... But to embrace his past... His good and bad points... Accepting him whole for who he is and supporting him... I know what it feels like to be accepted... It's like a relieve... To be accepted... Being accepted it's unexplainable... The feeling... Makes everything perfect... I need been so close with my seniors before... I never was asked to follow them to buy food or stuff... Never ask to lent them things or whether I want to hear music with them... Or helping them hold their things... I know it's alittle weird... But yeah... The senior I was closest to has graudated... But being accepted it's nice... Really... Yup yup...

"every time I see it...
I can't help smiling and worrying"

"Of all the things you can painfully remind me of...
you chose to brought this up..."

Hey it makes everything so crystal clear now... I totally understand... Why I don't get that kind of parental love... That kind that makes a kid smile... And yeah... I totally linked it... I've been trying so hard to actually make you two proud... All these years... Just to get a tiny bit of what Francine gets from you both... Yes okay I'm sorry... My subject teacher went to call you both because of one or two homework not handing up and the teacher thought I skip remedial... Sorry I don't understand a thing, because I was excused from this class because of the Sheng yang thing, performance, and recently East Zone Badminton Tournament. I'm sorry I can't catch up... The teacher never gave me the worksheets when i was excused and always when I ask she says wait and forgets... Until today... The remedial was because I had a tournament and I was excused. I'm sorry I can't catch up... I've been missing alot because of the tournaments... I wanted to ask the teacher to explain it to you both but she said that I should go back and have a nice talk with the both of you. Which I know is impossible. I tried but one sentence totally threw me off... And I kept quiet on the verge of crying... Just as I thought and after so many years of trying to decieve myself and tell myself... Hey look... I'm normal like you people... I don't need special attention and stuff... You just had to mention my illness and crashed me into little bits and pieces... All that drugs that I eaten since I was even before kindergarten... Eating just to sustain me... Yeah... You reminded me that I'm on medication because of this... Even though every morning I eat it... I don't think too much about it... I was so close to being normal... So close... And you brought it up... Yes I know the drugs cost you both... Not only that but my fee seeing the doctor is more then 600 plus... And the drugs and stuff... My fee for my asthma and back and stuff is also costing you... I also have one more which I never told the both of you... It would only cost you both... I'm sorry... I never wanted to be born with this kind of things... I too want to be normal... Yeah... A child like me would only cost you... Why did you have to take me?... And on the other hand francine is so perfect... She's normal. She's healthy, she's cute, apple in everyones eyes... Sociable and so much more better... -sigh- I wish I could be like her too... A friend told me she wanted to pinche if I do something stupid again... And on the bus to the tournament I was thinking... Hey you know what... I'll be glad to be your punch bag... Might as well kill me don't you think?... My existence is of no use...

Seriously... If I could turn back time... I would... Really... By then won't you and me be happy? Instead of this pain?... And many things would not have happen... Because very alter in life could change a whole lot of things... I would rather fall and hit then to rather fall forever not getting hit and going true repeated agony... I can't believe I told Tiffany (my good friend... Always there so patient...) when she ask how I was... I replied dying... X.x ... The only people I tell that to is Gemini jie and one more person... Then she started to worry... X.x .... Hey don't worry Tiffany I'll give you your present and stacy's one before I die!!! X.x ...joking joking... I need a huge watch... So I can wear it in my right wrist... (there is obviosly a motive behind it...) and yeah... The stars are making my head spin... I told my friend that ranting was good... Let all the anger out... -sigh- why why why... Why why why... Torn tattered and shreded... Danna!!! What happened to you?... Your face... Plaster... ... ... I shall go and sleep early to stop me from doing stupid things...

I'm Going Nuts for Nuts?!...

 We lost Today... 2-3...
Against Dunmun High... And Yesterday 0-5 against Anglician ....

Depressed Depressed Depressed... -sigh- Tomorrow another Tournament against East Spring... I'm sure our top position will fly away... We've been trying for three years already... And only top 3 in east zone... We want to be in the champions... Next year would be our last chance... I got you the pencil case you wanted Wan... Happy Belated Valentines to you... ... I still have SOME more valentine's gifts to buy... -sigh- I keep thinking of the both of you... -shakes head shakes head-... My gosh... nuts for nuts... Erm... Yeah... Have to ask Danna something as soon as possible... yeah... The bottle... ... So fragile... I want to give it to him personally... But i know no way, he's too busy... I wanted to give some others present personally but... I can't... I regret not knowing earlier... Sorry for the inconvinence cause. Changed my URL again

"If only I knew... I would...
 Love loving you... But
You are keeping yourself out of my reach...
 I can't reach you...
 I regret"...
 Come back will you?..."

"I heard that you are...
I am happy...
because I can't... Without you"

Torture...
it hurts... Really I highly doubt that I... I know people who given up on life... I know others that threaten to kill themself... Some that never give up... And others that gave up half way... One's biggest enemy is themselves, we have more power to do the things that we want to do... Just that we don't know and we need to overcome ourselves to be able to control it... Mental skills is important... If you scold yourself in losing a point in badminton then you will never make it... same goes to life... If you are scared dont scold yourself... Calm yourself and tell yourself you can do it... Do anyone watch tennis? Very less tennis players when they lose a point would pluck their strings to make it seem like they are adjusting it but actually they are transfering their anger in to their rackets and when they are ready they forget all their anger and their mind would be clear and focus... No more negative feelings toward themselves and instead they tell themselves postive things... I'm also trying my best to overcome this barrier... Yeah... I heard you both are extending your trip... That's nice... Yup it is... Breaking piece by piece hearing about you... I don't know why... It stings like needles... Some even ask that question... It hurts to smile... Some may look real but I know it's not... Only 2% of my smiles are true... I never use to smile before so you can see how my life used to be... Colourless... I know i'm greedy... Can't help it... I lack parental love... from my past till now... I had always lack this... and others too... but thats not really important is it?... When teachers ask about my family... I keep quiet... or i would say... okay... I dread those papers about your parents information... How much time do they spend with you... Which one are you closer to?... Do they love you and stuff... I never answered those... Leaving blanks... I know a few others worse then me and that somewhere in the world there is always someone worse... And have fun decoding...

"Love you both... So much more...
Then anyone else... You both are worth loving..."

Once wrong
Twice gone
Thrice point of no return

Bon Voyage Raphael and Nathan...
I did stupid things away... Yes... Stupid... -sigh- Cried to sleep?... Partially... I woke up late... Didn't bother... Today's tournament... Don't bother asking... Valentines drawings... I did them last minute... Its not my perfect piece but I guess its a pass for those who well... Hate drawings or dont bother to draw... Got more presents... People asking me stupid questions about my Valentine's day because one of my friends saw me and told the class... I'm bringing my friends presents inside my bag for no reason even though its like they study in another school... Manage to skip maths test because of my tournament.. Thats like the only good thing... I guess... The journey to and fro was a pain... Tomorrow playing against Anglician... I don't need the power to see the future to know whats the score going to be... The bottle... Its like everytime i see it... I go and well erm sit down and lie on my table looking at it or i just well put my hands around it... Its stupid... Hm... Its not like he's going to keep it on his desk... He might as well chuck it aside... might as well chuck for him... Then I sigh... Okay... I'm going nuts for nuts.... x.x ... Forget it I'll continue and ask him out with some people... Still have the sempai's present and others to give away... -sigh-... Soon soon... After all this tournaments... Trying so hard to compress all the feelings inside me...

The bottle... I need more paper... It's like... Going to be filled just a few more... -sigh-

I have a tendency to break down anytime soon... I'm really worn out by many things... I admit... Yes... It's hard to know what's going on inside my head... I mean yeah... Even I don't know what's going on inside... The more I avoid it I feel smashed... The more I want to face it... I feel pressurized and breaking slowly... The more I make those paper things... I feel guilty... I go to school to pass time and keep myself busy the more I want to just tell everyone go away... At times I cross the road I want to just dash across and let something hit me... I always detested going out alone... The more I try to reason the more I feel like I'm losing my sainity... Tears rolling down one by one... Just like how the leaves fall during the third season... One by one... I wished I was somewhere in the park and then lie on the grass waiting for the leaves to bury me when I'm sleeping... Because I know that would he the place I would go when I really break and just cry to sleep... Painful memories just swept pass... One by one... Blown away like the wind when I wake up... If I really do break... I don't want to hear people saying to me not to cry... It's going to be okay... What I want is that you tell me to cry it all out and stay by my side to watch over me and hear me cry... Until I stop then you can ask am I okay and stuff... *drip...drip...drip* one by one these little red dots would flow... Drip on to where I'm standing or sitting one by one... And when they touch the ground they would be like rain... Splash upwards and land in a neat circle... And I'm there crying and looking at my life wasting away... No need for the ambulance... Same goes to my asthma... There's no need... It's not like I will die... But even so... -sigh- why waste your time on me?... You know I can go like the wind... And never return... I should have just never walk this earth... I shall make myself useful when I'm still alive then...

WORLD PEACE DAY!!!!!!!

On February 15 2003 (I think)
over 10 million people
in over 600 cities around the world
participated in the
Largest Peace Demonstration
in the history of the world

I know my date in my blog is screwed up but today right now is the 15... That means it's world peace day!!!! Ahaha... Happy world peace day!!!! The demonstration was done by the black eyed peas on 2003 and it was the declared world peace day... A day when the world celebrates world peace... I've been really looking forward for today... Hehe international friends of mine... This day is for friends all over the world to be happy together... Throw all the nuclear weapons or destructive plans aside... Let's celebrate today!!!... Ahahaha... Okay I'm weirdly hyper today... Just trying to get my mind of some stuff... Yeah... Ahaha... I've been avoiding homework heh... Later 100% will get scolded by tuition teacher... Must be the homework I'm avoiding .. Okay I can't lie... I'm bad in lying... Gosh okay okay I know what I'm trying to avoid... At other times when I lie I must be doing it unconsciously... Oh well... -sigh-.... Don't you know how hard it is to force a smile when I'm in pain and seeing others happy and stuff... Maybe you do too... Just that you don't say... I want all of my friends to smile...

A not so lonely valentine's day...
A win in a tournament...
A piece of good news
A rose...
A magic valentine card trick...
A magic card
Sweet Macaroons...
The aimless walk
Valentine tricks for passangers on the bus
Simple dinner


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

This year's valentine... Okay it's diifferent... I'm not alone this year... And yeah it was kinda last minute... Was ask out yesterday last minute... Okay stop with the rejects and decided why not?... Not the guy I was planning to but yeah... He made my day... Well won the tournament... Heard that Gemini is attach with Ker Wei... Congrats... Rushed to school and then to plaza sing... Made him wait for three hours because of my tournament and then all the way from Dover rush to bedok, had to go back to school for debrief and then to the mrt station and then to erm plaza singapura... X.x I'm sorry... Had tournament... Jovi went to church when I came... And it was only me and him... Lunch... Valentine magic trick... Magic card... Saw my classmate... He stomp up and showed her a trick... Gonna be on the top topic of school on monday... Yeah... Magic for an elderly on the bus... Walk to buneo vista?... I don't know... Some where in orchard... Yeah then go walk walk walk to taka and herion and to taka... Okay... Had fun... Simple dinner... And went home... Not really the guy I wanted to spend my valentine's with but it will do... I guess... He must be having fun right now... Him... -sigh- I want to so badly... Yup today it's the 5th or 6th time I kinda lost blood... X.x sorry... At least it's not asthma... And be thankful it's not... Dum dum dee dum dum dee dum... I'm thinking of...4 things... A cookie for anyone who gets any of then correct... X.x...

UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY HATORI


On this particular day
that comes after 365 days
Happens to be your special birthday
There ought to be a big celebration
that would be one of your most memorable days
when you spend with your love ones and closed ones
you know this happens only once a year
But you also do know...
that all your close and loves ones
would always be there for you
by your side laughing with you always
And spend the Rest of Your birthday
like today together with you
Like a family... A real family
Every single birthday you spend from now on
would not be as quiet as it used to be
Because all of us would celebrate this special day with you from now on
This would be a day all of us would remember and share together
Even if we are not with you
You would be on our minds
on this special day not only me
The nine of us including the Sempai's, Raiga and Danna (haha)
would be thinking of you and wishing you
a Happy Birthday

Believe me I lost my sanity... Ahahahahahahah!!!!! Yup I spend close to 200 dollars or Valentines Gifts!!!!! Not all bought yet though.... Raphael!!! Nathan!!! How am I gonna give you both your presents before you both go back to PARIS?.... Tiffany!!! Stacy!!! Hope you both would love your presents!!!! Danna, Gemini... Got you both something in both your favorite colour... Hisagi Sempai are you feeling better?... Hisagi Sempai and Yayoi Sempai... I'm sorry if you both don't like it... I don't know what to get for you both but I hope it fits... Raiga!!! Your's is pretty much simple... But it's black... Ahaha... Erm big brother... Sorry could not find anything suitable YET... Ahahah I can't imagine you wearing something Gothic... Haha I could not imagine that "funky" monkey becoming a Gothic monkey!!! *meows* Amanda, Russell, Jeanny... Yours would be bought soon!!!!!... Last but not least, Hatori's... Ah... Your is erm... *glances at the "thing" and make quick calculations* 4/5 done?... Ahahaha... But I don't know if you would like it... T.T... I shall delcare Bankrupt after all presents are bought ahahahaha.... Most presents are bought in this store that has Gothic for boys and Cute for girls... Ahahah!!! Raphael... Jonnie's gonna be okay... Don't worn yourself out by toturing yourself... Jonnie won't be happy if he knew you have been hurting because of him... You know how much Jonnie cares for you because you are his best friend... Trust me it's gonna be okay... Jonnie would want to get out of that cell as soon as possible... He will be good... Trust that he can do it... And a few years goes by... And before you know it he comes out... And yeah... I too hope that Jonnie would be fine but I trust that one day he comes online and says hello to me... As for now... Please cheer up... Won't you?... I know Jonnie will be fine... I hope to have you goofing off again... I hope to hear you laugh at me... I'm childish... I need to see more smiley faces from you... It's been quite long since I last saw them...

"Smiles makes this world a better place..."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Someone shoot me... What were you expecting me to do?... No I can't I really can't take it... I'm losing my sainity...

I don't care I getting myself to tampanise mall later after my tuition by TODAY 12/02/2009!!!!! I need to get more paper and buy all my valentines day present... BY TODAY... Oh well I have a shop in mind there to go for the present... If I don't get to go there then... I'm dead

One more time Jeanny Jie I'm not gonna give you any present... God is this how you 'treat' me after chasing off "Drama Queen"? Just so you know I kinda banned you x.x AHAHAHAHAHA.... Okay I'm mean... But i will get you your Present for the time being.... do not say ANY of my embarrassing moments... God how much are you gonna torture me like this?... But still I help you alot so stop torturing me if you want your present... Gosh... Anyway... The C' Division lost... Sad... Juniors were crying (Some)... yeah i was upset... What can I do?... As Senior support them... Because they support the B' Division too... But yeah they tried their best especially Hui Min who was our first Secondary one last year who played for our school C' Division... First ever youngest... Then Vanessa, Second youngest to represent the school... She's Secondary one this year... She played THREE matches... But so close... Can't blame her... Her leg's still injured... Oh well... But in the end all of us gather like a team, Seniors (B' Division) on the outer circle and Juniors (C' Division) in the inner circle... Then follow what our badminton mind instructor tell us to say to them... Something like we believe in you and stuff and the inner ones say erm.... Dunno what then because we believe in our self... Then do badminton cheer... Okay Yup... Still got chance for them to get top five if they win other schools... As for us... We have and HAVE to get in top four in the Champions... I'm tired...

... I've been thinking about you both..."

SAC B' DIVISION BADMINTION GIRLS WOOSH!!!!!!

Congrats to US!!!!!!!!! Badminton B' Division Girls!!!!!

ONE SCHOOL DOWN THREE MORE TO GO!!!

WE WILL BE IN THE EAST ZONE CHAMPIONS!!!

AND WIN ALL THE OTHER ZONE'S!!!

WOOSH!!!

Today played against Spring Field Secondary won by 5-0

GO TEAM SAC WOOSH!!!
TEAM SPRIT!!!



Okay... Next week three more tournaments... Tomorrow is the C' Divisions tournament... Then on valentines day is B' Division against United World College... Raphael, Nathan!!! Having fun here? ^^ Present yup yup both of you are ON it!!!
Okay Today got new BADMINTON shirt hehe... The 4th one and we have one BADMINTON school jacket... HAPPY LOADS!!!! hehe... Of course... Tomorrow when they announce the badminton girls winning the game we have to sit at the back of assembly and then when they say SAC badminton girls go or something like that we have to stand up and say "GO SAC GO SAC GO SAC... WOOSH!!!" and do the hand thing when you ball up your fist and go up and down like you won something... Then one of us were like "woah later everyone stare" Then captain say "Yeah thats the point" Ahahaha!...... Got new shoes too!!! Gonna be lame and take photos of my BADMINTON SHIRTS AND JACKETS
 

CONFIRMED VALENTINES PRESENT LIST

 

1. Rabbit Raphael
2. Gemini Jie
3. Amanda Mei
4. Hisagi Sempai
5. Yayoi Sempai
6. Karin Danna
7. Tiffany
8. Big Brother Ian
9. Stacy Cake
10.Jeanny Jie
11. Hatori
12. Raiga
13. Russell
14. Mousey wolf Nathan

WELCOME TO SINGAPORE RAPHAEL AND NATHAN!!!!!!!!

Valentine's Day
An alternative theory from Belarus states that the holiday originates from the story of Saint Valentine, who upon rejection by his mistress was so heartbroken that he took a knife to his chest and sent her his still-beating heart as a token of his undying love for her. Hence, heart-shaped cards are now sent as a tribute to his overwhelming passion and suffering.

Erm heh actually Hatori, I dont do any thing on Valentine's... Execpt this year I'm actually taking it seriously... Heh ask Danna and she will explain why is valentine so special until you finally understand... Raiga heh... Yup I guess it is special... Heh... Raiga thanks heh.... Why dont you create a blog... I'll help you with it heh...
HAHA!!! Big Brother is on a rejecting spree like me for valentines!!! ^^

Will you be my valentino?... It's coming already , I have declined other's... Just hoping...  Never mind... I'll watch you from far...

 UDATED VALENTINES PRESENT LIST

1. Rabbit Raphael
2. Gemini Jie
3. Amanda Mei
4. Hisagi Sempai
5. Yayoi Sempai
6. Karin Danna
7. Tiffany
8. Big Brother Ian
9. Stacy Cake
10.Jeanny Jie
11. Hatori
12. Raiga

CLOSING DATE IS 10TH LATEST 11TH OF FEBRUARY!!!!

Guess what.... I only bought my first present... and I'm in the midst of making it... and what i bought is not complete... I seriously am slow... X.X... and it's only for him... I yearn for your attention... if only you realised i back away just to distance myself and let you have your freedom while i follow as you drift along... 

The Girl with scars all over
Sits there and gets blame for things
She has not done wrong
Both mental and physically scars
She sits there getting blamed and scolded
Being shouted at and being pushed
Not a word did she talk about it
Even though it has always been like this
For her its normal
She meets someone
And finally she smiles
Along the road
She smiles even when at
The place she calls home
Heh
She's finding warmth
She wants to give him things
That he would never thought about
The first things that came to her mind
Stars
She wanted to give him countless of stars
The amount that he had never seen before
Countless and many Stars
She bought a huge jug
And started writing wishes in all of them before
Folding
She smiles
and slowly place them into the jug
Though she doubts she can fill the jug
She smiles and continue
Each star was like a wish
A wish for him
And she looks up to the night sky and smile

UDATED VALENTINES PRESENT LIST

1. Rabbit Raphael
2. Gemini Jie
3. Amanda Mei
4. Hisagi Sempai
5. Yayoi Sempai
6. Karin Danna
7. Tiffany
8. Big Brother Ian
9. Stacy Cake
10.Jeanny Jie :)

This is just scary... It's like yeah... Today can't go tournament... I feel bad... We won against Dunman High on Wednesday... Then today well I tried to stall for time... Danna wanted to talk to me... We talk first serious then random then serious and random while walking to the market to buy something she needs... Then after that I rush to the car... By running across the road to the side car park parents scolded me at first for being late then I told them I needed to get something outside school and that teacher release us late... Okay its a lie but some things are more important... One day can change things... It's scary... Like playing badminton... You can have the leading point at first but you might lose... Some things changes so fast... Happiness to sadness... But I know... That sometimes little words can save us as much as it hurts us... It's never too late... And yeah we can start over again can't we?... "Hello my name is Rainie... What is your name?" it's never too late to start... Little words like "I'm sorry" can save us as much as it hurts us... Giving up Is hard... I don't want to give up... Sadness, pain, stress, agony... Emotions that bring us down... Why?... Because we are human... Humans do get affected by this little things... Yeah... That's why... I too need you... I'm feeling down... I need you... I'm depressed... I just need you to care and be patient with me... That's cause you are important...

1. Rabbit Raphael
2. Gemini Jie
3. Amanda Mei
4. Hisagi Sempai
5. Yayoi Sempai
6. Karin Danna
7. Tiffany
8. Big Brother Ian

Erm... When was it big brother? When did Monkeys became better then cats? HM?... HEHE... *MEOWS*
Hehe THIS LIST IS THE UPDATED ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
TAG AND YOU WILL RECEIVE!!! Hehe... Cam home early from training today... Don't ask why... Tomorrow I have another tournament... Still debating with parents whether to go tournament or tuition and the doctor's (not those doctors when you are sick)
Brooding over what to get for VALENTINES... Hm... I'll Slowly go one by one to people's wish list and see hehe... Yup... Big Brother Cats are cuter ^^ hehe... First thing in the morning got to school the first person who well talk to me was Danna... She was like "YOU..." and ranted on heh... Very welcoming don't you think?... Heh mentally prepared for that manage to skip Gemini's anger though hehe came late ^^... Then during the end of Biology I well freaked... Danna showed me whats behind her tie... X.X it's like more then ten name tags were pinned on it with all different names but in Japanese... Never cease to amaze me... Nicole was like "whoa" and yeah... All I was thinking was... Sweet... I think i'm insane... And You (*boing boing*)!!! Thank you... I Love you... No matter what kind of relationship we are be it friends or steads or yeah...I Love you... Erm yeah whatever relationship we hold... I promise...

Another day when I almost gave in and faced the Gates of Death beyond this world

I regret not giving up today... Really... Yeah I was trying so hard to maintain my breathing, trying to sustain my life... So hard... Even the fresh air did not help... A few black patches spreading before my eyes... Trying so hard I wonder why... And there I was... Right before the gate... Crafted on the top of the gate are like hell demons and well the other three sides are more or less describing pain and stuff... More or less staring back at me... Looking at me having my attack and suffering... Grasping for air... Really... It seems like it's trying to tempt me to give in... I almost... I almost gave in... So much that yeah I could actually just stop and walk in to the gate... Just like that... It was so clear... I hate it... And yeah a few little black outs... Crashed on some benches after I walk back... Staggered and fell... Not enough energy to even talk... The Gates... I regretted... Not going in... But well once I go in I can never come out...

You people out there reading this!!! Tag and you shall receive VALENTINES PRESENT!!! Deadline 10 latest 11 of February

Hisagi And Yayoi Sempai's!!! Hehe Yup Yup... Your favrouite game... Hehe Danna guessed it all!!!! Thanks!!! AMANDA!!! You know why he looks familiar? My brother is in your SCHOOL!!!! As senior!!! This year Secondary FOUR!!!

People getteing VALENTINE'S PRESENTS

1. Rabbit Raphael
2. Gemini Jie
3. Amanda Mei
4. Hisagi Sempai
5. Yayoi Sempai
6. Karin Danna

First come first serve!!! Thanks for your TAGGIES!!!! YOU WON VALENTINES PRESENTS (Deadline not over yet ^^)

Sempai's post more games this time I'll guess hehe
Dum Dum Dee Dum Dum Dee Dum Dum ^^.... VALENTINES!!!!!!!!!!!

Hm... Another time I see... Two words came to my mind... "YOU LOSE" like those flashy signs when you won something... This must be some kind of sick joke right?... That's a delusion but I know it's for real... Either I'm the one at fault or nobody is... I was waiting for anger to flare... But not a single spark... I'm bait... The one being stepped on... Go ahead step on me all you want... I must be the world's most gullible fool... Yeah... And that's it it's over... Another game?... Well I'll tell you that this game... This game... Left me there hanging again... Heh... I know that yeah I'm stupid... Step on me... Kill me... Play with me like a doll and do what ever you want... I'm not going to get angry... Just like that huh?... I should have guess it all... I need some time... Alone... I don't know how long this is going to take really... The last time I cut myself from all connections lasted about a few weeks... But I really don't have time... This might be another mistake... I don't know... I want you to know... That... Nothing... Forget it... They never existed before... That's what I ask... No reply... Screw me damn it... You chose a bad timing... But yeah... I'm okay... I think... don't worry... You people out there don't get drag down by me you hear?... Or else no valentine's day present for you... If I disappear... Maybe people will forget me then and then their worries about me would slowly fade until it turn to nothing... Then when I know all of you don't worry... I'll try... To hurt lest often... Or maybe I won't anymore... Because it just naturally stop... But... It's you I want you to... Never mind...

Hello PICTURES EVERYONE!!!!!
To: Big brother Ian, Russell, Jeanny Jie, Raphael and EVERYONE!!!
From: Me!!! Below is a conversation between me and my twin big brother ian that made the both of us laugh... I think hehe
Ian: Thats Long
Ian: You can have a nap then
Ian: Haha
Rainie: Hehe used to be an hour... Naps hehe only cats like you will take a nap *meow*
Ian: Whatever! I'm not a cat
Ian: Unlike YOU meow moew moew haahaha
Rainie: You are the monkey then
Ian: At least its better than the CAT
Ian: Muahaha



VALENTINE'S ALL OF YOU PEOPLE READING WILL GET SPECIAL PRESENTS!!!
TAG AND YOU WILL RECIEVE!!! SO I KNOW WHO GETS PRESENTS!!! REMINDER TAG BEFORE 10 LATEST 11 OF FEBURARY!!!!!



SECOND BROTHER IS THE CUTEST OF ALL!!! Hehe Desmond... The one er... close to me on one of the photos... White shirt and a Black pull over one... and the one with the white collar shirt ^^ like brother like sister ^^... Hehe... BUT!!! All my brothers are CUTE!!! ALL!!!

I... Don't really know... Stupid mind is messed up... I don't know... I don't want to count down... I want to reverse time... Back to the day of my birthday or maybe Christmas last year and freeze time there... Yeah it was so perfect... Yup... Is there a possible?... With all that feelings and thoughts... Maybe... Just maybe... I really want to keep you out of trouble... I'll give you a chance... Before I really or well yeah... Or let's say you are the one who gives me the chance... Yeah... I don't really bother... Far or not... Seeing you waste you life like this... I'm hurting... I'm sorry I never had been good with showing... I read... And well decide what to do... I don't ask... I read... I doubt... I really doubt some things really... More or less I really want to turn it back... I'll give you a chance or maybe well the both of us give each other one... Yeah.... I'm sorry...

"Rainie/ Fiona you have boy friend?" or "Why never bring you boy friend here?"
"I don't have one..."
"Huh you so..."
"She this kind of girl who wants?"
The conversation between me and relatives and the last line was my mom muttering when she pass by... Then my relative was like stare at me and I smile to him/her and walk before they can say anything else... Oh well it's true... Heh got nothing to say... This was well... Short post... Got nothing else to say... This was a common conversation that I had during Chinise New Year...

Yeah... Danna is the Dragon... Good you liked it... Hehe... Russell wh the dots?... Hehe I understand hehe... Danna... Really thanks... I owe you... Like I always did... How does HERSHEY Bars sound? hehe... Thanks Yayoi and Hisagi Sempai's for all the laughter and GUESSING Games!!! Tag next time please!!! Well... I seem to be in a great mood these days... Thanks to the Sempai's and danna, Raphael, Jonny, Tiffany, Stacy, Big brother Ian, Hatori, Raiga, Russell, THOSE WHO TALK TO ME THIS WEEK... Yup... I'm well happy... Very contented... Really... I had another dream again... Weird... Heh... oh well... counting down... Its noted on my phone... the arrival and somethig else... Want to see? Rob me heh... Dreams?... Are they for real?...

Designer: ForThe!Wonder
Tabling Codes: darkdegree
Icons: In-Lockdown & Sealedcards
Font: Tall Films
Stripe Pattern: Mintyferret
Inspiration: Love-notes.org