NOTICE:

I'm not talking about Mitsukake Sempai, Jonny. I'm not talking about him. But if you really think I don't care for Bobbi or anyone else. I've got nothing to say. Think what you want. It doesn't matter. And I've never considered myself.

Damn. You look so tired these days. I'm worried for you, I don't say it, but I am. All these things have been tiring you out, I wonder how long you can hold on, what if you just fall one day, you're not having proper rest. Niether am I, but that's cause I can't sleep, I just keep worrying. But it's different in your case, you need to lead the whole team, the whole unit. You need to stay up so late just to lead and to help. I know, it's the most elite team, I could never find another team like them. And I can't do anything to help. I hate it. I hate it. Whatever you do, I want you to be safe, though I know we are well protected by them, we won't know, who might be the next one. All those nights you had to stay up late, all those nights they have to stay up late, all this time we've spent on worrying, all this time we tried to help and have things back to normal, it'll pay off soon.

Two best friend,
both thorned.
One want's her close one safe,
the other wants the same thing as I want.
But both of us don't really care how it comes.

Topic of the day: Tiffany Kim. (One of my best friend)
Promised her I'll blog and that the topic would be her.

Tiffany is like an older sister to me, when you really want to talk to someone, she's the right one. We're not currently depending on each other. More of me depending on her. She encourages me a lot, like Kim and Danna, she's funny, and tends to give in to me to some things, which makes her really cute in a way, (Like Kim) But only to much more ridiculous request, and she would go "Whatever you Like" and even more insane requests too. HAHA. Honey and Love would be how she calls her best friends, more of Honey though haha! For me that is. Like any best friend she's really concerned for her friends and best friends, she's nice and amazing. Also my big brother's best friend. It's very very funny to talk to her and my brother on the phone because they call each other names and stuff. And yeah. Love you, Tiffany. Let's getaway some day. To far away.

Talked to Yayoi Sempai for a while today. I talked to Tiffany, I talked to Jareb, I talked to him. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe she's right about it... I don't know.

Seems like I've been shot.

Hey Jordan...

Don't fight. Please promise me you guys won't.

Last night things are still in a mess. First Bobbi, now You.

You're gone, I heard your name as someone else. I thought I heard wrongly, I really did, It should not be like this, it's wrong. When she called me, the first thing she said was "Nathan died". And I my brain disconnected, you should not have died. No. It's wrong. Nathan. Can't. Die. He. Just. Can't. No. And then when I was on the phone with Tiffany and my brother. Tiffany and I cried. It just came, like this. When Wan called, I could not tell her that it was gonna be fine. Because it's a lie. I would be lying not only to her but myself, when Tiffany told me to tell her it's a joke, I could not, that would be deceiving her and myself. But it's not possible, thinking over and over about it. It just can't, Someone who's so nice, who has a kind heart. Can't. Just. Die. Like. That. But if it's not true, why does everything about you come to my mind, from the time when I first talked to you, how you used to talk to me, how you loved the Valentine's day present I gave you, to how you made fun of me and Kea, how you hear about me from Kea being so patient to hear, even though you found it irritating, from the time I made you angry once, to the last letter I wrote to you without the birthday present it should go with. To how I was getting ready to buy Christmas presents this year. It's not even a year. Nathan, you can't just go like that. Nathan, you being best friends to others, being like a brother to others, being a good friend to others and me. Being there. Made us so blessed. She said she won't believe it till she sees it. "No, it's not our Nathan, it can't be our Nathan. They've got the wrong Nathan" She said it. And during that moment, I truly want to think that they got the wrong Nathan and it's not our Nathan, but if so, why are people so upset. She's right, people just don't die like that, people at age 17. Do. Not. Just. Die. Like. That. People who promised the girl he loves a week ago that he would look after her and protect her a week ago for their rest of their lives, do not just go like that. People with great personality, with a kind heart do not die. Especially at 17. You can't. But everything about you has been replaying in my head like watching a sob movie all alone, watching the last few moments they spend with the one dying, replaying not once, not twice, but again and again and again. Until it stops haunting all of us. How I wish that it's a joke. But the facts, are undeniable. I never had the thought of a good friend dying. I never had a thought that any of my friends would die. But it happened. My Junior was saying that maybe God has something else important for him to do, that's why he left. It's a lie. I don't believe it. No. It just can't. It's impossible. How I'd wished I had spent more time with you. That we had more time together, the whole group of us. People who are so damned kind. Do. Not. Die... He. Can't. Die...   

When out with Momotone today, haha, we had lots of fun. I went back to the house where my rented room is, I went to the room straight. Obviously greeting my landlady, and the maids. Then went up, dump my stuff. From the outside of the house, it already brought back memories. Homely, happy memories that I shared with the landlord's family. Then later the room smelled the same, the same bamboo-ish smelled I loved. Went to the toilet and got changed. Went down and found drinks, helped myself with two can's of soft drinks, I still remembered where things went, like the order. Anyway will post pictures of my room and stuff, and I enjoyed my day, thanks Momo. I hoped you enjoyed it too.

Five months already... The same few words. Happy 5th month, I love you, Kea.
And I just want to hear it from you, the same old style you used to tell me when we had all the time together. And I really thought anything was possible with you by my side. Maybe, Maybe Not. I don't know.


I don't want to think about anything. Losing my temper lately. Losing myself. Losing it.

Jay,
The first thing is that, I did not even ask you to come and read my blog, I don't care and I don't know who you are, it's your fault that it burns you because I did not even ask or want you to look at me. And I don't even know you. Use your real name then, because I do not know any guy by the name of Jay. Coward. And do not comment anything about my preferences or what so ever if you do not know about my life, or any of our lives including my friends. And if you're against the Japanese race. Back off. Because my seniors from SJS are JAPANESE. Therefore the JAPANESE NAMES. Does the school name not make it clear? Or should I spell out for you? S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E J-A-P-A-N-E-S-E S-C-H-O-O-L. And not only that I have a few mixed Japanese friends too. And other international friends, go screw yourself if you insult any of us. Thank You for your KIND understanding.



Words keep floating, Violet, Strawberries, Moringa, Ogata, punched, cookies, grocery store, 50 over million dollars, Hayate Sempai, Mitsukake Sempai, Japan. Tokyo. Anger, frustration, time loss, many other things, my best friend. Gone. "Will pray for a change" JL siad. Gone. I snapped.

When life takes it's toll on the most unexpected victim,
Sometimes I look around,

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