I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 3:04 AM.
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Thursday, June 26, 2008 at 3:04 AM
i am really sorry for not updating till now... life dull really... what i yearn for in the world... i dont want to be in delusion that i am needed i want some one to need me not to be bluffed that i am needed in the world its just to lonesome to be alone... i have always been alone when i was young till now... i try to act happy just to make my friends think that i am alright and like that... its just not fair that people have happy families and i dont know what the future holds and whether or not i will walk my whole life alone. i also need to be cared by others. i mean after all if normal people can have this kind of thing to be cared of why must i be the odd one out and not to be cared at all its just not fair of is it? since i could not have the kind of parental love others get i tend to seek siblings love and caring... i quite happy that i have made a new godbrother but is it really enough? or am i just being selfish? i mean i know i am greedy and thats a fact but its just still not fair. those who was cared from when they were born till now those are the lucky ones... the rain makes me think of the past and unhappy things... but so i mean people they are happy right and why are those like me being abandoned and adopted are we really happy? my case is a little different from the rest of my kind. there is one friend of mine who knows when i am sad and stuff she cheers me up when i am down... but still she also has quite a happy family... i wonder why must it be me who have to go though such an unforgettable childhood... for most of my guy friends i tend to treat them as brothers... because i have always wanted a brother. i look at my sister and some times wished that i was her she so happy i mean she never got to taste the feeling of being abandoned before and is that fair? why must the whole be so unfair.... in my heart there do not stand my parents instead its my friends... i have grown to hate them for doing what they had done in the past. i will only pour out my past to my other half who now i am patiently waiting for him to appear. i figured that actually part of me is still at the past... i used to be like my god brother... but then i thought i had changed is the truth is i still holding until someone comes to pull me up... i know i am greedy but at least most of the people around me had been cared for since they were young and i am different so i think its okay for me to be greedy as i have not know what it feels like to be parentally love and what it feels like to be cared by your siblings and relatives and also friend. i look at my life and i feel that every second of my life is like a burden in this world and for me... if only i never existed maybe i wont feel this burden and paining torment...
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 3:04 AM.
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