I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 3:23 AM.
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Thursday, July 3, 2008 at 3:23 AM
Have anyone ever wondered how much care and concern one person needs? How lucky is it to feel being loved. I know i always wanted more thats cause I was not cared about when i was little is it not fair? Anyway my regards and best wishes to Zi An for his upcoming performance. I am all alone again as usual, I always loved spring and would love to go to Japan to see the sakura full bloom flowers during spring... I remembered that my friend told me " Fion if you yearn so much to have parental love why not I give you my parents?" Its not that that I want only, I want to know that someone needs me. I try not to get to close to my parents because if I do and they later abandoned me again I know that I will fall very deep and may even want to do some harmful things towards myself. I choose to draw a line so when I fall this time at least I wont fall that deep into my past wounds... I don't want to go back to the dark place where I know I am all alone and no one going to help me anymore... so i draw the line and make sure I don't cross the line that i made up for myself, I always envy those who are so happy and that they did not have to go through what others had gone through... I am greedy am i not... I also find that I am taking lots of Zi An time by always wanting to talk to him and smsing, I feel so bad to... sometimes my old wound reopens and keep bleeding while I just keep the pain all to myself... I never told my doctors my past as I never wanted them to know I plan to keep it all to myself till the day I find my other half or maybe die... I always thought living in this world every second is a life-time burden to me and it is... every time I walk past somethings or places I would recall my past but i try not show it out... the place where I used to spend my childhood sad times and is East Coast Beach. Whenever I am upset try to go to east coast beach, how much I wished i stayed near there, if I did that would be the placed where I would take shelter when I am not happy... I also want to spend time with my other half there, I have so much to tell my other half when I manage to find him what I always wanted from my other half is that he has to be open-minded and also understanding because since i had such bad childhood and therefore shaped me into this kind of person so I need him to understand and comfort me when I need him too and when I am down thats why I need someone to understand me... someone who can always be there for me and care that what I need.... that is what i was owed when i was little so now am i not suppose to get back what i should got years ago?......
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 3:23 AM.
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