I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 6:17 AM.
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Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 6:17 AM
I said half of it... yup half of it... If I had said the full thing he would have really get a shocked of his life... don't want to say it but I did it because I had been in the worst of moods this few days and I need someone to comfort me I guess having my good friend is not enough... I know I should not be like this... But just cant stop it... Maybe having half his time teasing, joking, insulting each other is not enough... I have to stop making myself fall in delusions again... I worry that I might cross the line... and end up hurting myself again... after 14 years... It stopped for awhile... but that does not mean that it would not come back again... The Pain.... I hope for that it would not re-surface again... or maybe I just do it because I want to return the how I used to be without anyone always by myself... even if one day he does ask... I have a lot to consider... truthfulness... reliability... honesty... I really don"t want to fall back into the black hole where I always walking in the dark alley... no... This can't be right... I don't want this to happen... no... whatever I choose I always have to face the consequences... almost forgot... congrats to my Jie and her Stead... maybe he does not understand what kind of special attention I need... and end up hurting me all over... might be lesser the pain or might be more painful then before... would never know... He might not have any thing to lose but I do... The moody days came... on last Thursday... another depression breakout in school... was having to have two teachers dragging me out to the General Office... the came the counsellor... brought me to her room and talk to me for a very long time... She knows I have breakout like this before but it seems like this was the worst of the breakouts... She knows I does things towards myself... but she said if this carries on my parents would be called in... I don't want does people to know... My only family now only consists of Roy... Jessie... Jordan...Jean... and also my cousins who really do care for me... I also want to be truthful to the person that I do have this kind of problems... Depression... Breakouts and stuff... I don't want to hurt him... I never would maybe this sentence can be only understood by Jean... I don't want to be a living burden... I don't want to give him problems... This could be understood by my Jie Jessie... I told her before... All I need during all these Breakouts is someone who would hold me and never let go... yup don't let go of me... Let's just stay in this position and don't let go... The least I could ask of him to do... yup the least...
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 6:17 AM.
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