I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 4:49 AM.
|
Sunday, March 1, 2009 at 4:49 AM
Screw you dammit... Screw you... Screw you... Screw you... I can't freaking do anything about it... Screw the world dammit... I choose not to believe this... I had always made this silent vow/promise that I would not allow anything harm that person... I always said if anything harmful was meant for that person... I'll take the harm and that person harming could do worse on me... I tried to watch from afar... Waiting for anything that would suddenly happen... I know it's not simple as said but I tried... Not giving up... I'm sitting there watching over... I'm sorry... I don't relax... That I'm always alert... And stuff... And guess what?!... I felt the urge to so badly swear... And throw all the words out... But I just could not... Dammit... There... Again... I'm useless... I can't do anything right... I'm angry at myself... Dammit... I freaking can't do anything about it... I'm freaking useless and hopeless... Why dammit why?!... I can only watch for afar... This is freaking abuse!... I don't mind it on me I really don't! At least of which I would at least not be useless by a tiny bit... Damnation... I feel like being chop up... Why dammit... Screw you... Screw the world... Screw me... Screw my uselessness... Screw my life... Screw me dammit... Just screw me... I should have known earlier... I mean I did... I notice... Started to be wary of it... But it was freaking too late... Don't come near me... I need sometime alone... I don't want to rant at you guys... I'm all to blame... I should have been by that persons side dammit... I know it is impossible... I know... But I'm gonna blame it all on me... I don't care anymore... You can hurt me double the pain... I won't mind... I swear I won't... Even though I don't think it's right to treat that person... But I assure you that if you stop it and do it on me I will tell you it's the right thing... Why why why?! Dammit... I don't have a family that would need me... But all my close ones are like a replacement for that imperfection... Why... Why must it be like this... Why... Why must you hurt someone whom I would protect... Why?... You can choose to do it to me... My family won't notice... And I am useless to the earth... I could die anytime you know... My life is like a time bomb... There is no exact time when I will die... But I know that My life has a fifty percent chance of me dying in a year... So it's like if I live today I wonder if I would live tomorrow... And it goes on... But this person has healthy life... So really really... I can kneel down and do what so ever you want just to have you assure me you won't hurt that person... I will do it... Ask me jump a building... I won't mind... I'm useless in this earth... So please... I beg you... Sorry... I lost control over myself... I'm ready for any scoldings that would come meant for me and get scolded... I couldn't take it anymore... I lost it... I had already broken down in a state where only miracles would be the only cure... I'm sorry... A friend or someone I'm close too... Having me able to cry in his embrace and arms...
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 4:49 AM.
|
|
