"No no I'm freaking NOT okay dammit..."
There was once when I was well practically Happy for that moment when I heard something... And then it crashed to simply anger and frustrations... When I heard I simply snap... No sense of happiness in there as you can see... I was so pissed off... Throughout today's paper I was asking why and damning myself... Blaming myself... This is stupid... I was on the verge of getting a knife or something... I was just so angry... Imagine trying to fight your anger... Reminds me that this would be the first time I lost my anger... As in lose it and like get really really angry... I did throw fits but it's not as bad as this... But imagine when you are in the midst of being so angry that you can snap at anyone who did nothing wrong... I was struggling with that feeling... Hoping that I would not snap at anyone... And pretending that it's just any normal day in school... Like that was possible... What is wrong... Why is this world freaking corrupted... Dammit... What?! What am I suppose to do?!... I can't do anything... I'M NOT EVEN FREAKING SUPPOSE TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!... I'm not suppose to even know it... IT WAS MEANT TO BE KEPT... What's the freaking use... I tried... I mean I'm not GOD... Obviously I can't know everything... Obviously I can't do anything about it... Obviously I can't go against... Obviously the only thing I can do is... I DON'T KNOW... I only watch from afar... I can't be around 24/7 ... But Obviously when I'm ask to and stuff... I WILL... Is that not obvious enough... I can't take it anymore... WHAT'S UP WITH THIS WORLD... Is this even a place for HUMANS to live in... Who am I to say dammit... I'm nothing... I can't even do the simplest thing... Who am I to say... Damn... I'm useless... I'm not needed... So extraded... I'm just afraid... So afraid... Gemini wants me to put down my past... She wants me to forget my past... My pains... All the bad things I had gone through... She wants me to... It's hard... How can I?... I know... This would hurt others around me... Seeing how I hurt because of my past and waste my life away... It's not easy... It hurts... I don't want to hurt him... I don't want to hurt others by my side... No... But how can I be able to put down when I'm hurting... It hurts too much... I know that it's already a past... I'm sorry... That time was unforgettable.. It really was... It left too much of a scar.. The feeling scares me... It does... I can see myself going through it again...
A note to end this...
Sempai's, Raiga... Heh... I'm glad you had fun with the pouring out and opening of it... Thanks For putting it back!! Yup... I know... My hand writing is a disgrace... I myself have nothing much to say about my writing too... Okay it was SCRIBBLING... I can write better but I was trying to finish it... x.x (I can't talk to you three if you are appearing offline!!! So please dont appear offline... I can recieve your "Hi's" and your messages but I can't reply and it's a little creepy... Hehe... Sorry!)
Raiga... I heard you are sick... Are you feeling better? Yup... I'm glad you like the Valentine's Present... Or so I heard... x.x ... But I hope you like it... Hehe you don't have to tell him about opening of it... Let's keep it a secret... ^^ and yup glad you had fun!
I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 10:29 PM.
