Last night things are still in a mess. First Bobbi, now You.

You're gone, I heard your name as someone else. I thought I heard wrongly, I really did, It should not be like this, it's wrong. When she called me, the first thing she said was "Nathan died". And I my brain disconnected, you should not have died. No. It's wrong. Nathan. Can't. Die. He. Just. Can't. No. And then when I was on the phone with Tiffany and my brother. Tiffany and I cried. It just came, like this. When Wan called, I could not tell her that it was gonna be fine. Because it's a lie. I would be lying not only to her but myself, when Tiffany told me to tell her it's a joke, I could not, that would be deceiving her and myself. But it's not possible, thinking over and over about it. It just can't, Someone who's so nice, who has a kind heart. Can't. Just. Die. Like. That. But if it's not true, why does everything about you come to my mind, from the time when I first talked to you, how you used to talk to me, how you loved the Valentine's day present I gave you, to how you made fun of me and Kea, how you hear about me from Kea being so patient to hear, even though you found it irritating, from the time I made you angry once, to the last letter I wrote to you without the birthday present it should go with. To how I was getting ready to buy Christmas presents this year. It's not even a year. Nathan, you can't just go like that. Nathan, you being best friends to others, being like a brother to others, being a good friend to others and me. Being there. Made us so blessed. She said she won't believe it till she sees it. "No, it's not our Nathan, it can't be our Nathan. They've got the wrong Nathan" She said it. And during that moment, I truly want to think that they got the wrong Nathan and it's not our Nathan, but if so, why are people so upset. She's right, people just don't die like that, people at age 17. Do. Not. Just. Die. Like. That. People who promised the girl he loves a week ago that he would look after her and protect her a week ago for their rest of their lives, do not just go like that. People with great personality, with a kind heart do not die. Especially at 17. You can't. But everything about you has been replaying in my head like watching a sob movie all alone, watching the last few moments they spend with the one dying, replaying not once, not twice, but again and again and again. Until it stops haunting all of us. How I wish that it's a joke. But the facts, are undeniable. I never had the thought of a good friend dying. I never had a thought that any of my friends would die. But it happened. My Junior was saying that maybe God has something else important for him to do, that's why he left. It's a lie. I don't believe it. No. It just can't. It's impossible. How I'd wished I had spent more time with you. That we had more time together, the whole group of us. People who are so damned kind. Do. Not. Die... He. Can't. Die...   

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