I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 6:16 AM.
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Wednesday, July 30, 2008 at 6:16 AM
I am finally back in the blogging sorry people I know that my blog very boring always say about how sad my life is and stuff... So must be very boring... So lond never blog because have no time and got projects to do recently... I did an operation when I was young at the age of six at primary one. My parents brought me to the hospital, I could not see then and I thought I was like going some where fun... It was all a delusion in beliving that I was always cared... Never thought I was kept in the dark until the moment I stepped into the Operating Room... That place was a dread to go to... I bet no one would want to step in to the place... I still rememder making a fuss out of not wanting to do the operation... The nurse had no choice but put me to sleep the hard way... When I awoke I was already lying on the bed and was finally able to see... But still my eyes could not cope and tune in with this brightness all of a sudden... I was sent home to recuperate... I could not even move then because I still could not see as there was bandages on both my eyes... I was in bed for almost two months or so... I was always trying to please my parents when I was young... I learned how to walk at exactly my first birthday and also learned to speak more faster than other children... my dad once told me you are a independent child you should do things all yourself... Pleasing them was hard... Learning to do stuff faster thanm other people... but they were not pleased... remembered my mother saying that if only I was a boy then it would be great... So what if I am not a boy, I also have my dreams I want to fufill... I want to join the Singapore Army Force... I want to be a police... uphold justice... Do the things I want to do... Staying on the bed for about two months, My parents would think me more of a burden then joy... poor health and always unsociable... I have very limited friends since I was young because I dont dare to talk to people and like join them for recess and such things... During the two months were like living hell. I could not even sit uo straight for five minutes... That would make my parents hate me more dont you think... 14 years of not knowing the feeling of being love by your parents feels terrible... I really want to be loved and know that I am actually of some worth of my existence in the world... I dont want it to be another delusion thst I have been living in... But still being able to lie to myself that I have some worth for 14 years can be easily be a white lie... Yes a white lie... to make me feel better... Is this lie really okay? I dont know if it is but maybe it does help.... I wonder why othere people just dont want to be cared when they have such caring parents... do they really want to feel like what it is to be when you are not cared?... Really humans can really be idiots..... Akina Heike
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 6:16 AM.
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