It hurts losing someone precious... It hurts... I don't want to go through that pain again... It really hurts... I'm afraid... To go through it again...
I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 10:36 PM.
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Friday, February 27, 2009 at 10:36 PM
Monday Blues?... Hey... Sorry I haven been blogging recently... I was running a 40 degrees fever... And still had to study and continue going to school... Mm... And I'm prepared to fail... Hm... Okay... About the post yesterday... Yes... I've been ignoring you... If that's what you call it... I'm sorry... I don't mind others bothering me... But having you smsing me the WHOLE day... I'm getting a tiny bit annoyed... It's not like I belong to you or anything... I not even yours... So please stop... First you tried to amuse me... Then you tried to understand me... Then tried opening me... Tried knowing me better... Tried to say you understand... Tried to bring up my past... Tried to tell me you know everything... About my life and what happened to me with him... And tried to say we are on the same boat... And tried to bring up about my past and family though you know I never once mentioned about them... And now use my god sister as bait... Really... Not many people know about my family... You are just someone... And you want to know about my family... Are you kidding?... It's like asking a girl you just met something they wish to keep private... Screw you... Get far away from me... You are going Poland right? Stay there... Don't come back... When I was sick you still continued messaging me... I thought one would be rest well... Just go away... Hm... When you mentioned about him... I went to deep thought... That time... Was a dread... That period of time was like being sentenced to a death sentence... Must you remind me?... It was like waiting for the sentence to be carried out... Like waiting and waiting... With some people "visiting" me... Trying their best to cheer me up... Failing badly... But making sure I put a smile... Just any kind of smile... On my face... To thank them and tell them... "Your effort has been of great help really... Being able to go through this with you all by my side... Thanks"... It seems that way... Yes I admit... That was what's holding me back last year and still is right now... Last year I avoided being very close with boys... And it was usually... Badminton Training, Sheng Yang training, Extra lessons, Tuition and Social work... And I would usually be wear out everyday and so when I go home I eat and then fall to deep sleep... Using this to run away from reality... Yeah... This year... I'm running away... From?... The fear... Of going it through again... That darkness... And all I could do was nothing... Absolutely nothing... Walk around in a daze... And try my best to smile when he was around... And when she tells me about him... I did not hate them... Trust me I did not... It was me that I hated... Not being needed by anyone... Not needed by anyone... And it was that time when I said... "Hey just kill me will you?" I'm like a burden... If I ever fall from somewhere high like a cliff... And someone rush and slides to grab my hand... I would just look down in that darkness... And wait for the person to stop struggling with trying to pull me up and wait till thoughts that appear in that someone's mind would be like "Let go of that hand... It's time to be free... Let go of that burden... Slowly... You can finally be released of that burden... Do it..." and then when that hold slowly loosens... I would look up and smile at that someone who's going to betray me, a smile that tells one... "Yes... You can do it... I forgive you for doing so... You can finally be free of me... You don't need to worry for me anymore... Let go of my hand.. Let go..." It hurts losing someone precious... It hurts... I don't want to go through that pain again... It really hurts... I'm afraid... To go through it again...
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 10:36 PM.
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