I Don't Want Just Anyone's Hug.♥ 12:48 AM.
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Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 12:48 AM
Yeah. Maybe I am crazy. Yeah. Like what you said... Yeah... I'm getting slowly beaten up again, I bit my lip today. Because it momma was blaming me again... She was blaming me of what I became now was caused by myself, me and my silent self was the caused of myself... Maybe it is because of myself... I bit my lip, because I don't wanna say things which I know will hurt me and also get me to be more dislike by them... Now it is always Francine... I get it... I know what you have been through... You were also another unwanted child in the family, momma... I know... I know that. You did the exact same as what I am trying to do. I tried to make you proud, I tried my best in a lot of things, I go with the plans you plan for me, I always tried to go with everything, I played badminton to prove that I could make you proud, make you proud of me for something, I played for the school during the school exchange programme, I played with the principal in china, the coach, the teachers there. I played doubles with our school's Principal too. I got compliments from them, a lot... The teachers there through out the trip wanted to play against me. And one if their funniest compliments was that I looked so quiet and daze on the outside and look nothing like the person they see when I go on court. I take my badminton seriously... After like 7 years of me playing badminton did you finally actually sat down for like half an hour to actually watch me play... And it was only this year... I don't know how much you saw me play, but I knew that as long as you watch me play for just a tiny bit, allowing me to make you feel a the least one percentage of being proud, I'm contented... You left after awhile. After that when I went home you said "you played okay". Nothing more I can say. I know, you think it's a waste of time... No it is not... It has no future and stuff. You are even against me drawing... Back then you also tried to get grandmother's attention... Nope... You didn't get it... But I look at your siblings, those same exact people who are my aunt and uncles... God... Out of the five of you all... Only one uncle treat her so nicely... And I know why. That's cause grand parents invested all their money on him to go university... I look at comparison. Godmother made great soya bean drink and food, second aunt works in a branded bag shop, you are already semi-retired at the age of 40. Uncle is the manager of a company and the youngest uncle a supervisor. Look. Your brother became a manager. And you at such a young age retired... One day... I'm going to do the same... I'm gonna be someone of use. It's too late for grand mother to say sorry to you right?... I'm not as ambitious as Francine who wants to be a lawyer... I don't need a high paying job... I just want to help the poor, those who can't pay to see doctors in countries like Thailand or Africa... Yeah... And I need the people I love, those who are close to me and everyone who made even the tiniest change in my life to support me... Yeah...
To You I'd Be Always Faithful.♥ 12:48 AM.
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